


there's nothing quite wrong but I don't feel right

by Rapida



Series: all the times [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 12:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11290482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rapida/pseuds/Rapida
Summary: Lena’s in shock. Again.(A small stream of conscious inquiries flows across her brain, from the back of her head all the way back to the front of her skull - pressing and surging and overflowing -  and the insecurities arise once more: Is she human? Is she an alien? If so, what kind? Are her brain’s capabilities directly proportional to her eating habits? To her ravenous appetite?)(If she really isn’t from here, why hasn’t she told me?)orThe one where Lena finds out Kara's Supergirl, but doesn't know how to deal with it.





	there's nothing quite wrong but I don't feel right

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Tell me what you think, please!

 

She finds it, at first, a little strange.

How someone with as small of a waist as Kara’s can eat so much is beyond her. She doesn’t ponder it for too long though; she knows that trying to comprehend something as mind boggling as that is harder than understanding the theory behind her astrophysics elective in MIT (not that it was _that_ hard for her to figure it out anyways - she’s _Lena Luthor_ for crying out loud).

 After a while, she gets used to it: to asking for triple the amount of appetizers when they go out to eat; to eating her food just a tad slower than usual (just a little bit, not that much), so that Kara can eat her three course meal at the same pace; to secretly giving the waiter half of the amount she mentally sums up to be on the check so that her best friend doesn’t feel bad when Lena says: “this one’s on me, don’t worry”, but Kara offers to pay for half anyways. Kara offers to pay for half and she doesn’t take no for an answer (not that Lena can ever say no to those sky blue irises and bright golden locks). She’s a reporter, and Lena’s a CEO. Lena knows their salaries are exponentially different, so she doesn’t mind paying for their outings, albeit furtively. (In all honesty, she doesn’t mind paying for anything Kara Danvers asks her to.)  

 Kara always worries, regardless; worries about the price, about how much of a good time Lena had, about the food, the place, the service.

And she always sends Lena a grateful text filled with emojis afterward, followed by _can’t wait for next time._

It makes Lena smile and blush and chuckle when she reads it, snuggled under the covers, with her hair a little damp and the faint feeling of Kara’s lips still lingering on her cheek.

 At first, she finds it strange, but then she lets it slide. Kara’s got a big appetite is all. When Lena asks her about it, she just says that she goes to the gym a lot. Lena glances at her friend’s (no, her _best_ and _only_ friend’s) biceps, bites her bottom lip, and smiles. She trusts Kara; she believes her.

 (She thinks that she should address these _feelings_ she’s been having for her best friend, but she always decides to just store away and pull through. Lena doesn't have time for emotions, and she sure as hell won’t be worrying about dealing with more suffering.)  

 She won’t lie though, the thought of Kara being… something else _has_ crossed her mind. She’s worked with and studied aliens for her entire life, so she knows some of the telltale signs of a nonhuman lurking about (how they digest food differently, how they speak English as if it isn’t their native tongue, how there’s just something _strange_ and something _off)._ Couple that with all of the blonde’s abrupt disappearances and rather odd comments (“I flew here… on a bus.”), and you can’t blame Lena for questioning the validity behind Kara’s birthplace being Midvale.  

 But Lena pushes the thoughts to the back of her head (never completely gone, just out of sight). She’s good at that, at compartmentalizing emotions and data, so that it doesn’t affect her as much; so that she can focus on more pressing matters. She shoves and directs the energy onto more productive things.)

 Lena reasons that Kara would tell her, would confide in her, would _trust_ her with such delicate and personal information. They are best friends after all… right?

So that phase of _wait, did you just seriously eat twelve orders of potstickers in one sitting_ passes fairly quickly.

 

Fast forward one more month. Pause. And Lena starts finding some things to be a little strange. _Again._

 

They’re out and about, walking around the busy streets of National City when they suddenly spot a quaint French restaurant called _Ma Petite Amie_ on the corner of Fourth and Connelly. Kara’s stomach rumbles at just that exact moment, so they make a split-second decision to grab a bite there. The place looks local, but its owner and workers are definitely of French descent. Lena thinks the whole family just up and immigrated to the states because they all look alike and they all talk to each other in that colloquial manner that close family members do (well, as far as Lena _thinks_ a close-knit family does).

 The surprise comes when a young waiter asks them what they want. _In French._ It’s not that big of a deal for Lena, she was forced to take French and learn to play the piano among other things when she was a child, but for Kara’s sake, Lena’s about to ask him to speak _in English._

 Turns out, there’s no need.

Lena’s halfway to opening her mouth when Kara stops looking at the menu, turns to him, greets him with a perfect “ _Bonjour, monsieur”,_ and then proceed to delicately explain exactly what she wants and how many orders of each. In. French.  

Lena’s not sure if the guy’s eyebrows nearly reach his hairline because of how much Kara orders or because _she speaks French fluently._  

Kara Danvers speaks French. Fluently.

Lena would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little aroused by the way the words curl in the back of Kara’s throat and eloquently, masterfully, _slowly_ slide out from between her lips- 

 _“Mademoiselle?”_ They’re both looking at her now, but she’s still in shock.

In an attempt to not look so awestruck, she tells him the first thing that she sees (a salad or something _vert,_ she reads it too quickly) and promptly hands him the menu. The waiter scurries away, probably going over the amount of food Kara ordered for this one sitting.

“Lena, are you okay?”

“I didn’t know you spoke French.”    

Kara blushes and Kara stammers and Kara plays with the rim of her glasses. “What? Oh yeah, yeah. I decided to take one or two courses in college, not that big of a deal. I don’t - I mean - I’m sure you speak it _way_ better than me, _way_ better, Lena, and-”

“Kara, darling, you’re rambling.”

“Right, _right,_ sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I was just caught off guard is all.”

 

Lena thought that was it for surprises. She really did.

(That was stupid and naive of her.)

 

Next thing she knows, she’s getting a text from some business partners all the way in Beijing and they’re talking about some kind of expansion for L Corp. They’re using a few verbs that Lena doesn’t really remember that well, so she grabs an English to Mandarin dictionary to brush up on the language.

Kara passes by her office to bring her doughnuts on the day she’s practicing and relearning the things she forgot. Of course, her best friend doesn’t know _that_. She comes into the office, and she hears Lena’s phone ring by the coffee table. Lena’s all the way on the other side, on her desk, dictionary and papers filled with notes sprawled around, and countless Google tabs open on verbs and conjugations. Being such the good friend that she is, Kara grabs Lena’s phone and reads the message out loud. 

“Uh, Lena, some person named Zhang Wei - huh, I met a guy named Zhang once. He was nice - wants to know if you’re available for a conference call next week. Here, check it out.” She hands Lena her phone, plops down on the couch and grabs a deliciously sweet and sugary treat from the bag.

Lena’s in shock. _Again_. 

(A small stream of conscious inquiries flows across her brain, from the back of her head all the way back to the front of her skull - pressing and surging and overflowing -  and the insecurities arise once more. _Is she human? Is she an alien? If so, what kind? Are her brain’s capabilities directly proportional to her eating habits? To her ravenous appetite?)_

 

( _If she really isn’t from here, why hasn’t she told me?)_  

 

“Earth to Lena. Hello? Lena?” Kara calls her between bites and she waves her hand in a futile attempt to catch the brunette's attention. “You should like, hurry up and get over here because these doughnuts are _delicious.”_

“Kara, did- did you just-” Lena’s never rendered speechless, but she’s come to the conclusion that Kara Danvers has that effect on her. She has to remember to close her gaping mouth and to _react_ because she has no idea _what_ is going on, but she has to process this information. _Compartmentalize, Lena, get a grip._ “Did you just read _Mandarin?”_

Kara chokes on her doughnut and the tips of Kara’s ears turn crimson and Kara twirls her hair. “Oh gosh, I completely- _gosh -_ I mean,” Kara clears her throat, “I mean… yeah?” She rubs the back of her neck and smiles sheepishly.       

It takes another incident for Lena to realize that Kara also speaks Spanish, but it’s not until one night when Kara calls her drunk that she finds out the whole truth.

Well, in reality, _Alex_ had called her through Kara’s phone. Apparently, the blonde had drunk way too much and Alex needed an extra hand getting her back to her apartment. “Please, Lena. Maggie’s about to pass out, and Winn _is,_ already, passed out.” Lena was surprised to hear Alex Danvers, badass and ruthless federal agent, asking her for help, but she assumes that if Alex trusts Kara, and Kara trusts her, then, by the transitive property, Alex was bound to trust Lena too. (That’s what she concludes mathematically anyways, she’s not used to intimate relationships - to friendships and _trust_ in general - with others.)

 

“I’m on my way, don’t worry.”

 

She picks Kara up in an Uber (Alex barely greets her before handing over the blonde and darting back inside the dive bar, most definitely to deal with her girlfriend and friend).

Lena’s never seen Kara so out of control. Her best friend is mumbling something about astronomy when the driver’s phone suddenly rings. He picks it up and starts talking in Hindi. He hangs up after a brief moment, but then Kara brings up _something-_ Lena’s not sure exactly _what_ because she doesn’t speak this language, but Kara does.  

Of course, Kara _fucking_ Danvers does.

Lena’s positive she will never cease to be amazed by this wonder of a being. 

She has no idea what they’re talking about, but the driver is laughing and Kara is laughing and, _really_ , it’s so random and such an unusual scenario that Lena laughs along too.

 “How many languages do you know, Kara?” She asks the blonde as she pushes open the door to Kara’s apartment.

 Kara giggles, and Kara nearly trips ( _Jesus,_ Lena thinks, _this woman is_ heavy), and Kara makes a face (an _I really want to tell you but I’m internally debating whether or not I should_ face).  

 

She raises both of her hands and spaces her fingers evenly.

 

“Ten?”

 

The blonde shakes her head and opens and closes her hands twice.

 

“ _Twenty?_ You know _twenty_ languages?”

 

Kara giggles, and Kara hiccups, and Kara says, without trepidation: “Yup,” popping the _p._

 

“Holy shit.”

 

“It’s - It’s not a big deal, really.” Kara slurs her words, but Lena can make out the gist of what she’s saying.

 

“Not a big deal? Kara, there are people who spend their whole lives trying to learn _half_ of what you already know.”

 

“I just-” The blonde yawns, “I just don’t want anyone to feel like an outsider, like they’re alone.”

 

Lena’s heart warms and her heartstrings pull tightly in her chest. She really shouldn’t be surprised that the reasoning behind sunny Kara Danvers learning so many ways of communicating is to make others feel included.

 Kara makes Lena feel included every single day, after all.

Lena half drags Kara to her bed, where her best friend collapses and quickly falls asleep. She removes Kara’s shoes, unties her hair from the bun she was wearing, and removes her glasses.

She nearly drops the spectacles and faints after gazing at the sight before her.    

Lena was nearly certain that Kara was an alien. The only thing that was keeping her from formulating an objective hypothesis that she could further prove were her subjective emotions on the matter (how she’s hurt by Kara’s secret; how she’s hurt by Kara keeping secrets; how she’s hurt by the fact that, apparently, she trusts Kara more than Kara trusts her).  

This just gives sense to everything.

Because the girl lying down in front of her isn’t Kara Danvers.

 It’s Supergirl.  

.:.

 

She places Kara’s glasses on top of her nightstand and takes a deep, calming breath.

 

And another.

 

And, _wow, how did I not see this sooner?_

Her heart is beating faster than what she assumes is Kara’s ultimate flight speed. Lena needs to calm down; she needs to think this through logically, to store this revelation somewhere in her mind and carefully untangle and make sense of it (if she decides to ever come to terms with it).

She really should have figured this out earlier because glasses and ponytails aren’t a good disguise.

  _I’m sure she would have told me eventually… right?_

 _Don’t be an idiot, I’m a_ Luthor. _That’s why she didn’t and probably wouldn’t have ever told me._

_Because I’m a Luthor._

Kara stirs in front of her, and before Lena gets an opportunity to dart out of the room, the blonde is opening her tired eyes and yawning.

 “Lena, are you okay?”

 

“What? Yeah, yes, I’m fine. I should probably get going… get some sleep, darling, I’ll bring you a glass of water before I-” Lena’s halfway across the room, itching and wanting and _needing_ to get out of there; to _run._

 

It’s too much and it’s too soon and it’s too painful. Everything always is.

 

“Wait, Lena!”

 

Kara’s call stops her dead in her tracks. Lena can feel her body vibrating; she feels overwhelmed. Her heart is hammering and pounding so strongly against her chest that she can feel her blood pulsing through her veins.  

 

“Yes?” Lena says breathlessly.

 

“Can you please stay? Here? With me?”

 

Kara’s tired eyes stare up at her with doubt and with affection and with _hope._

 

And even though every single fiber of her being is telling her to _get the hell out of there,_ to build up the walls around her heart and to never again let her feelings cloud her judgement, Lena decides to _cave in_ to the hope she sees in Kara’s gaze _._

 

“Of course.”

(She can never say no to Kara Danvers.)

 

Lena takes off her shoes, leaves her jacket on the edge of the bed, and climbs right next to Kara, who quickly snuggles her head in the crook of Lena’s neck and throws an arm over Lena’s stomach.

 

Kara’s hand ghost over her abdomen until it rest on her chest, right above her heart.

 

“Relax,” she slurs, breath tickling Lena’s cheek and chin, “I’ll always be here for you, I promise.”

 

Lena’s always considered herself to be cold and calculating. Ruthless.

 

She’s built the walls so strongly and so deeply to avoid any more emotional pain because she’s an engineer, a scientist; she can deal with numbers and quantum physics and hardware and machinery, but emotions? Feelings? Love? They just harbor pain and heartbreak.

  

Nothing can break her (not after Lex, not after her parents, not after Jack).

 

It shouldn’t surprise her, not really, that Kara Danvers has dived headfirst and obliterated all of the barriers around her heart; has closed the distances at which she always keeps her relationships; has peeled the layers of _cold_ and _calculating_ and left her bare and vulnerable.

 

The morning will come and it will bring long conversations and the truth to light. There’s still a long way for them to go, but Lena has never felt more whole because she accomplished _something_ (she’s not exactly sure _what)_ by staying tonight.

 

So Lena breathes, Lena breaks, and Lena stays.

 

 _Always._  


End file.
